I have heard it for years.
The same two sentences spoken aloud to me in ladies rooms, locker rooms, school meetings, bar stool to bar stool, waiting rooms, whispered in libraries, yelled across dinner tables, in front of large groups or just between the two of us. And I still can’t comprehend why anyone would think it’s a compliment.
Or maybe it’s not intended to be, maybe it’s veiled in a pseudo-complimentary style…or what I refer to as:
And it goes exactly like this:
“I love your hair. I wish I could wear my hair that short, but my husband would kill me.”
What the hell?
Seriously? Am I supposed to smile and move on? Maybe I am supposed to query further and ask if you are in an abusive relationship. Could this be your cry for help and I am passing it off as a rude and derogatory statement? Are there women out there really getting killed by their husbands because they cut their hair short? (although quite fashionably, I might add). Or maybe you just don’t like me. Is that it? and you are using your long locks of blondeness to move to the head of the pack.
But maybe these lasses are just brain-damaged from the heat of their blow dryer.
Because without fail, this “compli-not” spews forth from the mouth of a woman who frequents tanning beds as often as most of us urinate. And her “hair” that her “husband would kill her” for if it were cut could give Stren 50 lb test a run for its money.
Their hair is always in the shade of what I would refer to as a non earthling color. No way it originated on any life form here, because it’s transparent and resembles fried, dyed and laid to the side-non filament. This hair that her spouse adores has been painstakingly washed, conditioned, dried, straightened, curled and sprayed into place with aerosol lacquer and combined with her oompa loompa skin…well I can see why she is so judgemental of my less than ordinary appeal…because her beauty combo certainly makes her a Looker.
I can see why her husband would be so angry with her if she were to go pelt-less. Dang, she sure is sexy.
She sure puts my blasphemous short, dark brown colored hair to shame.
I always think, “Am I supposed to come back with a witty retort?”
Should I find a way to say: “That really sucks what you just said, because I think you just insinuated that my husband married a man. Or would like to marry a man who looks like me. Or maybe you mean that I enjoy looking like a man? I’m confused. Did you mean my husband really doesn’t care what I look like or we’ve given up as a couple and just sit around in sweatpants and dirty t-shirts and shave our heads and drop food bits on the floor and wait for the rats to carry them away?
But whatever you mean. Stop saying it. Because it sounds incredibly stupid and shallow. You idiot, I’m a woman too. We are in the same club whether I have short hair or not. Whether I am married, single, young, old, it matters not. I wear my hair short because I LIKE IT SHORT. My husband would love me even if I were bald. You poor, misguided, bafoon.”
Wow. My inner Margie’s all better now.
Thanks for listening.
And for all you ladies out there. Wear your hair the way you like it. This is not the dark ages. You have the right to choose your own hairstyle. And if you like long hair, keep it. Do your own thing. But please quit acting like the rest of us that don’t have your long locks want them…we can have them if we want.
Guess what? Our hair grows just like yours does.
We just cut it.