“Just the Facts Ma’am“.
That’s where this post is going to exist….I hope.
Winter is here.
I have gained weight. At first as the scales rose I panicked, then wanted to beat myself about the head and neck as I watched not 5 but 10 POUNDS climb its greasy, slimy way back onto my hips, belly and face. I wanted to cry, get angry, fuss, then belittle myself. I wanted to shove those emotions to the forefront and live there for a few days of depression and frustration and do what is typical of most of us when we experience a profound weight loss like I have of over fifty pounds and then see a weight gain that was steady and climbing until it reaches that notorious “mark” of the grand total of TEN POUNDS.
My toes gripped the edges of the scales in horror this morning. I teetered, swayed, adjusted, stepped off and then back on, took off my gown and then weighed again.
Nope. It was real. TEN POUNDS.
I slipped my gown back on and went back to bed and laid there a minute and stared up at the dimly lit ceiling. I let the coolness of the sheets warm themselves again on the heat of my legs and tried to hold back emotions of anger and defeat.
Dave lay next to me still snoring, in peace. That Lucky dawg. No thoughts of weight gain clouding his thoughts or taking over his slumber of zombie dreams and his reign of terror against the underworld that he undoubtedly was unleashing and winning, judging from the half-smile on his face. He rarely if ever, allows emotions to get in the way of his vision of himself. He is pretty even all the time, he doesn’t waste time on those little times in life where you gain a few pounds, he’s much too busy for such things. That’s way too insignificant in his world. But he is always sympathetic if I need to vent. So for that, I’m grateful.
I took a deep breath and realized…
WINTER IS HERE. There is something instinctual about the gathering of food for Fall and Winter. Its in us. God made us that way. It’s a hard mindset and a physicality that exists and we need to honor it to a certain degree and accept that it is how we are made. Then adjust our mind to the reality that we have to change or accept a slight weight gain in the Winter or adjust our workouts to meet the demand our bodies put on us in the form of cravings and metabolism.
Take a look at Spring vegetables, light, low in calories, low in carbohydrates, they are simple and easy to find and grow up green and tender, it’s almost like “Spring” is meant for weight loss. The foods available are geared for removing the heavier layer of Winter weight and fat that I believe we are almost unable to accumulate over the colder months.
Now take a look at Fall vegetables and foods. They are more dense, higher in carbohydrates and starches and they have a storing power for longer times, apples, potatoes, pumpkins, winter squash and the animals born in the spring are now reaching adulthood and ready for hunting or slaughter. It seems now that I look at it that weight loss during this time is not only physically harder to achieve due to the hectic schedules that pick up in the Fall and Winter, the colder temps that keep some of us indoors more, but there is an innate shift in appetite that kicks in around Fall that tells us to consume more food, that instinctive “click” that reminds us Winter is coming, food will be scarce….
Prepare thyself for survival.
Unfortunately, in the past when I have had a weight loss and gain, I have surrendered to the pity party that always, undoubtedly, will accompany the added poundage. It’s only natural it seems for us to f ind that opportunity to be mean to ourselves, punish ourselves for being overweight in the first place and a self flogging always seems to do the trick. After all, I’m fat I’m not supposed to be able to feel good about myself. Let the self-loathing begin!
In other words… Shame on Me.
But not this year. Not this time. Not to my wonderful self. I’ve worked too hard. I’m still happy with my forty pound loss. That’s something! That’s remarkable and if I stop the bleed now and get my ducks in a row and accept that weight gain is typical and not the end of the world, then maybe I can rise above the emotions that way too often drag me out of the race and put me on the bench.
“It’s Okay, Margie.”
And it is okay, it doesn’t mean anything other than I will face it and keep on my journey. Tears will not flow, emotions will not rule or send me into the arms of ice cream or cheese squares. I will continue to look in the mirror and be glad in it. Understand that my fluffier, plumper, reflection is just me. I’m still in there, that fighter, that warrior of the road and mad runner of the woodlands. I’m still happy with me.
My attitude has to RISE above the emotional part of weight gain. I have to allow myself this temporary misstep and then just keep my smile on my face and my shoes laced and keep eating well and moving when I can.
Because one thing never changes after Winter, regardless of my size…
Spring will arrive.
But until then, I’m going to adjust. Forgive and keep moving!